Sick Heart
by Oreus
Summary: What if a 16-year-old Subaru met a younger Seishirou? Rated PG for Shonen-ai.
1. Prologue

Hey there! This is my first fanfic ever... It's a Tokyo Babylon fic! What if a 16-year-old Subaru met a younger Seishirou? This story takes place before Subaru realizes that he is in love with Seishirou, and therefore it takes place before the hospital scene. Watch out for some spoilers.and for obsessive fans (like me) look out for some cool foreshadowing! Slight Shonen-ai... very slight.  
  
Disclaimer: I own Subaru! Wait, no, I don't. I don't own Tokyo Babylon or X, they are Clamp's. I am not making any money offof this, so don't sue me!  
  
"To keep thinking of only one person is something only a sick heart can do."  
  
My heart is sick without you.  
  
Sick Heart  
  
It was a clear Sunday in the city of Tokyo. It was spring, and the sakura trees were in full bloom. White, bright bursts lined the solemn gray street. People were bustling around the busy streets, some greeting friends, others simply enjoying the beautiful day. Truly, it seemed like the sort of day anyone could enjoy, even the most downhearted. However, Subaru was not just "anyone".  
Subaru was walking, alone, down the small pathway. His windswept hair was flying in all directions as a strong breeze whipped at his loose green shirt . The tall boy gracefully made his way along the road, not paying the slightest attention to where his feet were taking him, or to the wind that was sweeping sakura blossoms around him. He was far too busy thinking to notice his surroundings.  
He was thinking of one person, and one person only.  
  
Seishirou.  
  
This man confused Subaru. Now, Subaru was an easily confused person, but Seishirou had a different sort of effect on him. A slight change had come over Subaru. He was not sure what is was, only sure that it was certainly good. What was this odd feeling he had? Subaru felt a cramping in his heart, but it certainly was not a bad feeling. Subaru revered this kind man that always seemed to be there for him. True, Seishirou was a bit strange at times, but that didn't matter at all. To Subaru, Seishirou was, and always would be, perfect.  
Subaru came to an abrupt halt. The throng of people was much more sparse now.in fact, Subaru seemed to be the only person around for a few blocks. Everything had gone quiet. Unnaturally quiet. He had reached a small park, one that he had never seen before. Or-had he? This place seemed strangely familiar. The name of it haunted him. Ueno Park. A shiver ran up Subaru's spine as he cautiously looked around. It was filled with blooming sakura trees. They were all a completely pure, untainted white.  
  
Except for one.  
  
One tree was pink.  
  
And under that tree sat a small boy, crouched in a little ball. His face was behind his hands, and Subaru could tell that the boy was sobbing. Subaru's heart instantly reached out to the little boy. Subaru glanced around, then slowly made his way towards the boy.  
  
-Well, there is the prologue! I hope you like it. Feedback would be great ^_^ Ja! ~Oreus 


	2. Why are you crying?

Hello again! Thanks for the feedback. I know it is a bit weird to see Seishirou sobbing, but remember he is just a kid here. ^_- Yah, the normal Seishirou would DEFINETLY not be sobbing.= P. By the way, even though Seishirou killed his mother at the age of 16(I think), for the purpose of this story, his mother has already told him about "the one he loves best", but not that Seishirou is the one she loves best. Well, on to the next chapter!  
  
"To keep thinking of only one person is something only a sick heart can do."  
  
My heart is sick without you.  
  
Why are you crying? Is your heart sick too?  
  
Sick Heart  
Chapter Two: Why are you crying?  
  
The boy seemed fairly startled to see Subaru approaching him. He looked up in shock, the slowly inched his way towards the pink tree. The boy seemed frightened.  
  
"There there boy. I wont hurt you. What's wrong? Are you lost?" Subaru asked with a kind smile. Subaru had worked with children before on several of his "jobs". He had often comforted crying children. Subaru knew what it was like to be alone; knew what it was like to be afraid. He frowned a little, remembering the first time he had seen a ghost. This boy had a strange aura about him,a familiar aura. Almost like a ghost's.  
  
"Are you alright? You can trust me," Subaru encouraged, trying to place the boys aura. Then the boy did something unexpected. He stood up, a look of anger painted on his young face.  
"I don't need your help.leave me alone!" The boy yelled, fiercely. "There is nothing YOU can do, just leave me alone." The boy's eyes were wide and wild. Then, a he whirled around, turning away from Subaru. Subaru could have done what the boy said. He could have walked away and left.  
  
**No. I wont leave this boy, **Subaru thought. **I wont leave him like this. It's my job to help people. I must have been brought here today for a reason.**  
  
"Listen," Subaru began, "I don't know your situation, and I can never completely understand what you are going through. I won't lie and tell you that I can ever completely understand. But at least, I can listen. Maybe even help." Subaru sighed deeply. "Won't you let me try?"  
  
The boy was still facing the tree. Then, he nodded, and slowly turned around. "Well, maybe you could listen, at least." The boy carefully said. Subaru gasped at the face he saw before him. The boy was stunningly beautiful. He had dark hair and lightly tanned skin. However, the strangest thing about this boy were his yellow-amber eyes that bore right through Subaru's. Droplets of tears still clung to the boy's eyes like clear crystals framing a yellow flower. **How could a boy this young be so beautiful?** Subaru wondered. **He looks like he is about ten or twelve**  
  
"Al-alright." The boy said, hesitantly. "But only because there is no one else to tell." The boy slumped down against the pink sakura tree as Subaru gracefully sat down beside him. **Why is this boy all alone?** Subaru thought. **What about his parents?**  
  
"What about your parents? Have you tried talking to them?' Subaru voiced aloud. The boy chuckled a bit, almost as if Subaru had made a joke. "My parents are the problem. My mother is forcing me into her line of work."  
  
Subaru thought about his family, forcing him to become something that he could not bare being. True, he liked helping people, but the sadness always got to him. Subaru instantly understood what this boy was going through.  
  
"And that's not the worst part," the boy continued. "My mother told me that when I follow in her footsteps, I wont be able to feel. She said that our line of work doesn't involve feelings. But it doesn't make sense! How can my mother not feel when I know she loves me! She must love me! Doesn't she?"  
  
The boy started to tear up again. "All this time, I thought she loved me. She has treated me like she loves me! But now, she said, in six years I will have to take her position. And all she told me was that we have to hide our feelings, and that before she/" The boy suddenly stopped talking. Looking away from Subaru, he continued, very slowly, "/that before she resigns, she will be able to tell me her true feelings. But I want to know now! Why can't she tell me now? And I want to feel. I don't want to be unfeeling like she is!  
  
"But there is something even worse. She told me that my dea/" The boy stopped again, this time looking up at Subaru straight in the eyes. "She told me that my de- destiny would involve someone that I love. She said that I would be, well, she said that the one I love best will hurt me."  
  
A breeze began to blow, tossing sakura petals around the pair of young men. The boy reached out towards the wind, trying to catch a few of the petals in his hand.  
  
Subaru looked at this little boy with pity. **Poor boy. Imagine, not being able to feel. Feelings are what make us the way we are. Imagine, not being able to love the people you love or care for the people you care about.**  
  
"Is that why you are so sad?" Subaru asked, tentatively.  
  
"No," the boy answered. Then he continued:  
  
"That's not why my heart is sick"  
  
-There is chapter two! Cliffhanger! Tell me what you think. ^_^ I tried to portray Seishirou very differently that he is usually portrayed. Also, I tried to explain why Seishirou could not kill Subaru at the hospital, even though he supposedly "Did not care" for him. It is my belief that Seishirou DID care for him, but could not show it. So, according to this theory, he lost the bet. Well, that's one theory. = P Ja! ~Oreus 


	3. Protect Them

~Hey! Nice to see you all again. I am having a fun time with this story. How are you guys enjoying it? I've decided to continue the story and make this chapter nice and long. ^_^ Hope that makes you happy! Anyway, here is chapter three.~  
  
"To keep thinking of only one person is something only a sick heart can do."  
  
My heart is sick without you.  
  
Why are you crying? Is your heart sick too?  
  
I'm not crying for myself. I'm crying for someone else.  
  
I hurt other people- because- I am lonely.  
  
Sick Heart Chapter Three: Protect Them  
  
"That's not why my heart is sick."  
  
Subaru stared at the little boy. What was going on? This boy was forced into his parent's line of work, forced to lock up his emotions- and he was sad for another reason? What could it be? And WHY was this boy so strangely familiar?  
  
"Listen," Subaru began, "it certainly seems that you have it pretty tough. I'm sorry, at least I get to help people in my job, and at least I don't have to hide my emotions. At least I wont get hurt."  
  
"No!" The boy suddenly yelled, causing Subaru to jump back in surprise. "No! I know it's bad. I know my fate; I know the work is bad. I know I won't have any feelings. I know I'll have to hide them! But that's not the point. I won't be able to tell the person I love that I love them. Just like my mother won't say if she loves me or not. I hate her for it! But I guess I still love her at the same time-I don't know."  
  
The boy gazed off into the distance, apparently looking for something that just wasn't there. "I know all the rest, but I don't want to treat the person I love like an object, and I don't want to be unfeeling! That's the way my mother treats me, like I'm just a stick or a pebble. She doesn't care-and I want to care. I don't want to hurt the people I love."  
  
Subaru knew that there was something very wrong with this situation. A ten-year-old boy, speaking of mature love? That was strange, almost wrong! This boy didn't, couldn't, know what love was. **When I was that age, did I know what love was?** Subaru thought. **I knew that I loved my sister, but that was about it.**  
  
Then, a dark thought enshrouded Subaru's mind. **Have I ever been in love? I'm not sure I even have. How can I reprimand this boy for speaking of something that even I do not completely understand? Maybe I never will fall in love** Subaru brought his hand up to his mouth, nervously fidgeting. **I'm alone.**  
  
Then, the boy did something amazing. "I'm- I'm sorry," the boy began, looking up at Subaru again. "I didn't mean to yell. But sometimes, I'm so angry, so lonely, that I hurt other people."  
  
Subaru felt as though someone was clutching onto his heart. His breathing increased rapidly. What Subaru had just realized had hit him hard. He/ had/ never/ loved. **I have never loved**. A tear slid down Subaru's cheek. Perhaps he was not capable of love. **I have never loved. Sure I love my sister, but that is not the same. It's more friendship than love. What's wrong with me? I'm filled up with so much sadness that there is no room for anything else**.  
  
The boy looked up at Subaru, perplexed by the older boy's sudden change in manner. Subaru swayed, and everything began to grow darker and darker.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*__*_*_*_*_*_*__*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*__**  
  
Subaru awoke to two hawk-like eyes staring down at him. They seemed a little worried.  
  
"Hello," the boy said to Subaru who blinked his eyes sleepily.  
"What happened?"  
"You fell asleep," the boy answered, smiling. "You fainted, actually."  
  
Subaru sat up quickly, a bit flustered. **Why did I fall asleep? And WHY am I so nervous around this boy? I just can't put my finger on it.**  
  
"Well, thanks for listening to me. I feel a bit better now, and sorry about the yelling," the boy trailed off, uncertainly. Subaru noticed that the boy was a lot calmer now. Maybe all he needed was to let out his anger. He had so much anger in him! Subaru would never have guessed that such a small boy could contain such an overpowering emotion.  
  
Subaru was not sure what to do now. He almost wanted to get up and leave. But another part of him made him stay. Subaru felt that he should give the boy some parting words of advice. Subaru would have loved to have someone to confide in when he was a child. Sure, Hokuto had always been around to cheer him up, but she often didn't take things very seriously. She was always making jokes about him and a certain yellow-eyed man- one that was very kind and funny and handsome-**Whoa! Where are my thoughts taking me? I'm supposed to be helping this kid!**Subaru thought, blushing.  
  
Subaru gazed past the boy, his eyes wandering. "Well, you have a very mature outlook on your situation." Subaru wasn't sure what else he could tell this boy. "Just- try not to be too sad about your fate. Maybe you will have a chance to help people. Does your future job involve helping people?" Subaru finished, unsure of himself.  
  
"Oh yah," the boy began, leering, "it suuure does," the boy finished, smirking mysteriously.  
  
Subaru looked taken aback. The boy that was helpless and crying just under an hour ago was now speaking to him sarcastically? **Maybe it's mood swings** Subaru thought, ignoring the fact that most people begin to experience mood swings at around the age of thirteen. An odd feeling came over Subaru as he looked at the now mocking face of the young boy. Almost as if Subaru was looking at how this boy could change-who this boy could become. Subaru shivered, and chose to ignore the boy's last statement.  
  
"I feel pain knowing your fate." Subaru said, steadily. "It is always hard when you are forced to do something you do not want to do. You certainly have an eye for things, you seem to understand where you are going and what you must do."  
  
The boy's demeanor now changed again. His eyes dropped, and his shoulders began to hunch slightly. He now looked solemnly at Subaru. "Yah, by mother always tells me that. She says I have an eye for things. She's a bit weird though. She's always staring at my eyes, with a sort of sad look.'  
  
Subaru stared. Subaru wasn't sure what to think about him! He was so volatile! He seemed to run on emotions alone. Subaru wasn't sure how this boy would ever be able to "hide" his emotions. But Subaru wasn't angry or annoyed with this boy. On the contrary, he felt sorry for the fact that he had to turn to rude words and yelling in order to deal with his feelings. **He must have a pretty hard life**Subaru thought. **How can I help him?** Subaru racked his brains. Maybe, just maybe, if Subaru could show that helping others is also a way of helping yourself. Maybe that would help the boy.  
  
"Listen," Subaru said, a sudden feeling of care washing over him. "I know your fate is hard, but you must be strong! Even if you can't openly show your care for people, you can at least protect them. At least you can make sure that no one else hurts them." Subaru thought about his sister Hokuto and about his-his friend? No. Family friend? That wasn't quite right either. Subaru couldn't decide. Whenever he though about Seishirou, he wasn't sure what to think. **Well, whenever I think about the two people I care about the most, I know that I would do anything to protect them. If either Seishirou or Hokuto left me, I would be absolutely lost.**  
  
"Protect the people you care about," Subaru said, lifting the boy's chin up, smiling at him sweetly. "That all you can do, and in your case, I'm sure that will be enough."  
  
The boy looked back up at him.  
  
~Hey! Well, that was interesting. Never fear, it's not done yet! There is still a bit more to go. Did you notice any of the fun foreshadowing? And by the way, the mysterious smirking was for you, Fuuko-chan! Thanks for reviewing! ^_^ Ja! -Oreus 


End file.
